I think I went mad for a while. I can't even really say how long I was mad; I can't pinpoint when it began. It ended sometime after I reached the Americas, I think -- sometime through my voyage overseas, his voice got quieter and eventually I heard him no more...not his real voice anyway.

The torment he wrought upon my fragile mind was awesome. There were many times I'd swear he was on the ship with me, or that I had never left Paris and merely awaited my destruction at his hands -- he was my Sire, so he could destroy me as easily as he created me. Most of these times, I didn't know if I was asleep or awake.

By the time the ship docked, I had regained enough of my sanity to get out of there, feed and take care of myself. I still wasn't completely sane, however, so it made things very difficult for me at times. Not only was I a young lady without the escort of a man, but it was obvious that I had a few loose screws. On more than one occasion, I had to sweet-talk my way out of being tossed into one institution or another.

Over time, my insanity subsided, transforming into a derangement which only came up for air when something triggered it. Violence from the past took its toll on me. Witnessing violence would bring the madness back up to the surface once more. Being the victim of violence only made it worse.

But his taint didn't stop there. My presence would chase off any animal, or at the very least, make them nervous. Plants would wither at my touch, and blackened grass would mark my passing. I learned very quickly to avoid things that would show his fingerprint on me. His diablerie must have started before my Embrace. His taint was a secret I kept well until New Port.

After the Anarch riots in '97 burned down my nightclub (and nearly myself with it), my bouts of madness worsened once more, complicated by new-found fears of flame and of being trapped. Others began piecing my past together based on my nonsensical ramblings during my 'episodes'.